


Sexual Healing

by Anonymous



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 10:20:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20851847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: It was supposed to be an easy hunt, but that was before they’d gotten lost, the sun went down, two airships dropped a battalion of MTs and a killer robot on top of them, and an iron giant crawled out of the ground.And just to make matters worse, they were, Noct realized with increasing panic, out of potions. Which was why he was standing bare-assed in a dark forest with his pants scrunched around his knees, a soda in one hand and his dick in the other.





	Sexual Healing

**Author's Note:**

> Fill for the FFXV Kinkmeme. [Prompt](https://ffxv-kinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/5690.html?thread=10418746#cmt10418746):
>
>> Take some soda, mix in some royal jizz, get your game-breaking curatives.
>> 
>> <strike>\+ Noct learning about the procedure when he hits puberty in an awkward conversation with his dad.</strike>  
\+ Noct being encouraged to masturbate as much as possible so that his semen can be collected and used to make curatives for the war effort.  
+++ Ignis helping Noct out when Noct's just too lazy. B)  
+++++ The bros bleeding out and providing commentary while Noct is furiously rubbing one out in panic, lol.
> 
>   
(Mostly the last.) 

Later, Ignis would claim that the trouble, technically speaking, began that afternoon.  
  
“Noct,” Ignis said, tapping him on the shoulder as they made their way to the Regalia, “I took stock of our inventory, and it seems we’re running short on curatives. We’d best replenish our supply before we head out.”  
  
“Relax, Specs,” Noct said. He yanked open the driver’s door. “We’ve got enough. Besides, I’m spent.”  
  
Ignis frowned. “All the same, I’d rather not take chances out in the wilderness so close to sunset.”  
  
“Look, it’s just a bunch of hundlegs. We’ll be in and out in no time.”  
  
Ignis raised an acerbic eyebrow. “Cocky, are we?”  
  
Noct ignored the barb. “We’ll be fine. Gladio, Prompto! Let’s go!”  
  
Ignis’s nostrils flared. “As you wish,” he said and slid into the backseat with a dark sigh that made it clear he was agreeing only under royal duress. As Noct reached up to adjust the rearview mirror, he was met by Ignis’s glowering eyes. _You’ll regret this deeply_, they said, promising a swift and painful comeuppance.  
  
Thankfully, Gladio and Prompto chose that moment to pile into the Regalia. With a fine, deliberate flick, Noct tilted the mirror away from Ignis’s disapproving glare. Then he rolled down the car’s hood, turned on the radio, and let the sweet wail of an electric guitar carry them out of the parking lot.

* * *

It started _out_ fine, Noct would insist later. The hunt itself was easy as cake. Things just—headed south afterwards when they got lost on their way back to the Regalia. That was when the sun went down, two airships dropped a battalion of MTs and a killer robot on top of them, an iron giant crawled out of the ground, and they ran out of potions.  
  
Go fucking figure.  
  
"Coming along, I hope?" Ignis quipped, daggers flashing in the night.  
  
"Yeah, talk about taking a beating,” Prompto said with a nervous giggle.  
  
There was a loud, ominous _clunk_ as something collided with Gladio’s shield. “Noct, quit screwing around, and give us a hand already!”  
  
Noct, with his pants shoved down to his knees, a soda in one hand, and his dick in the other, growled, “Not. Funny.” A couple stray bullets whizzed past his ear as he glared down at his rebellious dick, which was still only half-hard. What the _hell_, he wondered, had made the gods think it was a good idea to make _his_ jizz the integral ingredient for any and all healing potions? What kind of sick game was this?  
  
A missile exploded against a rock face, sending chips of stone and dust flying everywhere. Gladio grunted off to his left, voice strained. “Guess you’re not so handy with a rod after all.”  
  
“Hey!” Noct said. “I’m trying, all right?” His hand worked furiously. “C’mon! C’mon!”  
  
“Dude, not to rush you, but you might wanna try _harder_, if you catch my—whoa!”  
  
Noct froze. “Prompto!”  
  
“I got him, Noct,” Gladio said a few seconds later, breathing labored. “You just focus on the task at hand.”  
  
“I _am_. What do you think I’m—?”  
  
“Noct, if I may…” Noct started at the hand that landed on his shoulder, but it was only Ignis, looking a bit worse for the wear. “Do you require any assistance? Perhaps a flesh fortifier or muscle stimulant?”  
  
“Grhaahhh,” Noct gritted out. A nearby tree fell under the swing of a giant sword, and he flinched away from the shower of splinters. “No! Just—a hand would be nice!”  
  
“Affirmative,” Ignis said with a curt nod. He adjusted his glasses, rolled up his sleeves, and, with a familiarity brought on by years of helping his prince with precisely this endeavor, sank to his knees.  
  
Even with Ignis’s hands and mouth on him, it was tough to get it up, what with the battle raging all around him in the dark. But Ignis was nothing if not skilled and dedicated to his duties, and eventually Noct felt his balls start to tighten.  
  
“Specs,” he gasped, thighs trembling, “I’m—I’m gonna—”  
  
Ignis didn’t pull off. Instead, he patted his ass in encouragement and did something with his tongue and lips that had Noct twitching hard in his mouth.  
  
“Hrnngghhh,” Noct said, with feeling, and came.  
  
When he could sort of see again, he blearily watched Ignis take the soda from his hand, spit into the can, and then swirl it about a bit. “Noct, if you would do the honors,” he said, voice hoarse. “A mega-potion, if you can manage it.”  
  
Noct stared at him dumbly for a few beats before his brain caught up. “Right,” he said, waved his hand, and, calling upon all the ancestral powers invested in him by a very fecund bloodline boasting 114 uninterrupted generations of Lucian royalty, shoved as much magic as he could muster into the unassuming aluminum can.  
  
When he was done, Ignis stood up, took a sip, and sighed. “Ah, that just hits the spot.”  
  
Then he was gone, melting back into the shadows, doling out his relief bit by bit.  
  
“Ooooh, yeah, that nailed it!”  
  
“Unf, yeah, give it to me!”  
  
“Ugh,” Noct said, did up his pants, and collapsed. Gods, he needed a nap.

* * *

They wrapped up the battle quickly after that.  
  
“Yeah!” Gladio said, with a disturbingly apt pelvic thrust as the iron giant dissolved before their eyes.  
  
“_And when I get that feeling_,” Prompto sang, “_I want sexual healing_.”  
  
"A rousing victory," Ignis said. "You did well to rise to the occasion, Noct."  
  
“Maybe you won’t disappoint the Oracle after all,” Gladio said with a leer.  
  
"Indeed,” Ignis said and gave Noct a critical look. “Though perhaps next time we’d best _come_ prepared, hm?”  
  
Tired and ratty and feeling more than a little irritable, Noct scowled. "Y'know, one day, my dick's gonna fall off, and none of you guys will get any of _this_”—he gestured down at himself—“anymore.”  
  
“Any of what?” Gladio said. He eyed all five foot nine inches of grimy, sweaty, bloody fugitive prince. “I don’t see anything.”  
  
“Shut up,” Noct snarled and stumbled to his feet. His boots squelched as he stomped off in a random direction. “C’mon, let’s just go find the car.”  
  
The silence that followed was more exhausted than companionable, but Noct savored it anyways. The wind through the leaves, the babble of a nearby brook. Far in the distance, an owl hooted. Crickets chirped all around. No heckling from the peanut gallery. It was perfect.  
  
Then a horrifying thrum broke the silence.  
  
“Imperials above us!” Prompto cried.  
  
Ignis’s glasses glinted in the dark as he summoned his daggers. “_Up_ for another round, Noct?”  
  
Noct groaned.


End file.
